It May Not be Something Special, but Its Actually Not

Its 11 pm and i still can't sleep, Ian's song is playing on repeat. I don't think there's a reason why i cant sleep. I might want to sleep but my thought are doing otherwise. All of sudden my thought are trying to ponder everything, they're just getting busy rearranging the memories and events that i went through throghout this year. A lot of things have happened and sometimes i got lost in the moment, recalling the day when i encountered someone from the past. 

Despite it being just a short period of time, i appreciated it. 

Talking about that, this afternoon all of sudden my friend gave me something to wonder about. I think she like to thinking everything, even the smallest things in her life. She just talked about her feeling while adulting, yeaaa.. its adulting, your ears aren't mistaken. Her face was frowning as she told me about the reality that she's been dealing with. Being adult are dull, you have to be alright all the time. Sometimes you just being someone who act like you really know the situation as well but you didn't. Sometimes it may be cruel for you, and sometimes people just don't understand. You just arguing with your own thought and it draining all of your power. 

Once again, she told me about someone else's achievement. She witnessed everything from her social media, all of her friend seems to be happy because they achieve something in their life, career, get married even having a babies. She stuck on her own thought, wondering when she will get everything settled. 

In 2 weeks i'll be 26 but i don't feel so right. A lot of things happened but i don't feel it was something that made me feel more adult than i was.

A lot of my thought just burdensome now. I dont know what my next move, i dont know what my life would like in 5 years. Will i be the person i knew ? Will i be the person who married with someone i love ? Is he a decent person ? I dont know. Future is still remain a mystery.

This might be the time capsule. For 30 years old me, if you are reading this. Keep that in your mind, your life must be better now. You will surounded by a lot of people who love you ! And you will find someone who love you to the fullest ! That's not joke, its my truly wish for my ownself! 

Please be healty, be happy and maybe you will meet ian in person someday, maybe not as your husband but your fans (?) 🤣 

But actually,

I'll always pray for you health and your happiness. Be the best version of you, and find your own happines.

You said you want to take your master degree and going abroad ? Please make it real, chase your dream and be a decent scientist in the future. Im witnessing everything from here. So dont be afraid ! 

Ian will be proud of you even he doesn't even know you 🤣