My Confusion

Hey we meet again, just like the other days 😂

I just want to tell you that im very confuse with my life right now, they said the "quarter life crisis" time has come. The time when you're worried about your future and sometimes you just feeling lost and trying to find the purpose of your life 😂😂 (i really like this emoji btw, its like you crying and laughing at the same time)

Actually, im so afraid with the future, that's so unpredictable. I can't even imagine how my life would be in 5 years. Do i married ? Do i have a great job ? Am i be the person that i've been dreaming of ? Or maybe im being a lucky fans so i cant meet my favorite singer ? I haven't found the answer.

Sometimes i want to cry, i want to doing something great in my life. But sometimes it seem so far away, like its so impossible to make it that happen anyway. Recently i thinking about my education, i wanna get my master degree. I want to pursue my career in biotechnology. But... I just dont know how i wanna start it. 

This evening i doing some research about how to get the scholarship. It make me shocked, we have to earn much money 😢😢 because we need to spent our money while we completing the document for scholarship requirement :)) so saaaad. Its to much for me, and i started to thinking that was too impossible. Earning so much money then you must spent easily just to completing the document requirement :") i mean, there's no certainty or guarantee for me to getting the scholarship even if i finish completing the document. What should i do now ? 

Sometimes i thinking about my job, actually i dont really like to working in my recent office. Its just not my thing :") Im dreaming about being a scientist, doing my lab activity, some research that i want to conduct with my favorite collague and professor :") Im so confuse if someday i dont doing my things then what should i do ? :")))

If it didnt work, should i changed my plan  for now ? Am i content to changed my plan ? 

Does ian also through this phase ? What does he do ? Does he really know how to handle it when it didnt work ? 

Ian, Im so afraid :"))

Can't imagine how my life would be :( He said when world its hard, you must be harder than that :")

How can i supposed to be so hard ? Can we through it together ? :")